Confession #1: I let my kids pee in the bathtub. And then I let them sit in there. And then I wash them.
Is that wrong?
Before you call Child Protective Services or the Hazmat unit, let me say a few words in my defense. I don’t encourage them to pee in the tub, I don’t even really want them to do it. But sometimes it seems easier to let Kaiden let it flow then yanking him out of the tub all wet and soaped-up. And isn’t urine supposed to be sterile? Aren’t you supposed to pee on somebody if they get stung by a jelly-fish? See, just what I thought – pee is good for you. Maybe it even makes kids cleaner while they bathe, helps get that extra layer of dirt off. I mean, it’s not like I’m bathing my kids in the toilet. Right? Anyone?
Confession #2: I let Kaiden pee in the tub because he enjoys making waterfalls.
Yeah, that’s right. You heard me. He’s learned that when he holds his wiener up under water and pees, it makes a waterfall on the surface. He’s only sprayed me once. And Kaya gets a kick out of it. Then she tries to do it but her equipment just doesn’t work the same way. She produces more of a gurgling brook.
Confession #3: I bathe my kids, like, twice a week. Even in the summer.
I used to wash them every other day, but bath time has since been downgraded. This is because I largely dread bath time. The main reason? Kaya equates washing her hair with torture. She makes me feel like I’m a CIA agent at Guantanamo trying to illicit some information out of a captured member of Al Qaeda. She screams and cries the entire time I rinse her hair, which is several times because her long, thick hair requires shampooing and conditioning. Here’s something I never thought I would say in a million years: Dick Cheney is right – waterboarding is not torture.
Confession #4: I totally bribed Kaya with a chocolate-chip cookie and a Barbie movie this morning so I could write this post. Bad momma.