My son is an extremely picky eater. I mean, P-I-C-K-Y. No joke: he eats five things. And it pretty much hasn’t changed since he started eating solid food. When he was 2, he would only eat cottage cheese. If we didn’t have it in the house, it was cause for sheer panic. Then we discovered Amy’s frozen pizza, which pretty much saved our lives. Or really Kaiden’s. He has eaten it every night for dinner for the past two years. We like to joke that we should invest in Amy’s because I think we pretty much account for 30 percent of its business.
So you can imagine our surprise when, about six months ago, Kaiden announced nonchalantly one night at dinner time: “I’m done with pizza.”
Dead silence. My husband and I just looked at each other in total shock. What the hell was he going to eat now? He won’t touch meat, except for salami, and only if it’s rolled up like an hors d’ouvre. I can’t even get him to look at chicken. He won’t eat cheese (unless it’s on pizza, and he’ll only eat Amy’s or pizza from our local pizza place – he wouldn’t even eat pizza at Chucky Cheese’s!) or yogurt or pasta (not even mac n’ cheese!), not even a hot dog. It hasn’t been an easy road feeding this guy.
So, after the no-pizza decision, Kaiden settled on quesadillas with fruit on the side. That lasted for about six months, and then came the Announcement: “Mommy, I’m done with quesadillas.” Siig and I held our breath. Was he going to starve? Would he only eat Honey Nut Cheerios the rest of his life?
And then he said: “OK, I’m ready to start eating pizza again.”
Major sigh of relief. He just needed a break. That was understandable. Who wouldn’t get sick of eating the same thing every night for months?
But he just won’t eat pizza cut any way. It has to be a perfect triangle. My mother n’ law made the mistake once of cutting the pizza into squares, like the Italians do it. Kaiden refused to eat it. She had to make a whole new pizza. And if even a sliver of cheese is hanging off a slice, he won’t touch it until I pull it off.
I would worry about my little man except for one thing: he takes the biggest craps. Like man poos. So I know he’s getting enough nutrients if his body has that much waste to get rid of. Right?
Not only is Kaiden a picky eater, but he doesn’t really get hungry that often. He won’t eat breakfast except for the occasional eggs or dry cereal. He can literally go until 4 or 5 in the afternoon without eating. Now before you decide what a terrible mom I am, know this – I ask him every half-hour if he wants to eat. I even sat on top of him once and forced him to take a bite of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (it was pretty funny). Siig and I have finally excepted the fact that Kaiden is on his own program when it comes to eating.
In other words, he’s a camel.
Confirmation of our belief that he should have been born in the desert is that he can also go all day without peeing. He won’t pee before he goes to bed, and then he won’t even have to go when he wakes up. Don’t know where he gets that from – I have to pee every 30 minutes, always.
I’m convinced that Kaiden must store food and water in a secret hump somewhere. One day, I’m going to find it.