Good morning, my legions of adoring fans. So sorry that I have been amiss in my duties and not written a post in a few days. I am sure you have all been on the edge of your seat, anxiously awaiting my next posting. Maybe you even found yourself pacing back and forth in front of your computer, asking yourself: “Why, oh why, isn’t she updating her blog with one of her regular witty, charming and hilarious stories about her life?”
Well, my dear followers (I am sure you number in the thousands by now, at the very least), if you were pondering that question, you are not alone. I, too, was asking myself that very same thing. But my witty, charming and hilarious life got in the way if my blogging. Between swim lessons, ballet lessons, doctors appointments, camp, and writing articles that I actually get paid for, I ran out of time for my blog.
I know what you are thinking – “How could you not write a blog in such a big week for news?” Yes, yes, my darling followers, I agree. Maybe I was just overwhelmed at the opportunities for witty bantor that I found myself, gasp, speechless! What with South Carolina’s Gov. Mark Sanford “hiking” the Appalachian trail when he was really doing the tango with his Argentinian mistress (personally, I think he just got confused), and then the double-whammy of the loss of two 80s cultural icons – Farrah Fawcett and the Gloved One – there was just too much to write about it. I was, alas, paralyzed with good intentions.
Now, now, don’t be mad at me. I know you use my blog as an escape from the daily grind of your life and an excuse to put off cleaning the house or updating that progress report for your boss. I am your ticket to procrastination and entertainment. Oh, the burden weighs heavy on me some days, I just want you to know that. It must be how Michael Jackson felt – all those mobs of fans across the world waiting for you to produce the next big hit or royally mess up again and make the front page of Star Magazine. It’s just so hard being loved by millions sometimes. (Yes, I think in the process of writing this post the number of my fans jumped from 20 to “thousands” to “millions.”)
But wait, I have forgotten to mention another celebrity who we lost this week – Ed McMahon. Fortunately, I glanced at Bye-Bye, Pie (you got to keep tabs on your competition, after all. I mean, with 56 votes in the SocialLuxeLounge Funniest Blog award to her 2,516 votes, we are practically neck-and-neck. And yes, I did just take a minute to vote for myself again.) to take another look at the great photo she had posted of Farrah, when I saw something she had written about Johnny Carson’s faithful sidekick.
Poor Ed and Farrah, they are getting overshadowed by Michael Jackson’s death. Not really fair that they all kicked the bucket in the same week. Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood must be working in overdrive right now. But as a young girl that grew up on Charlie’s Angels, I have to say that of the three Farrah had the biggest impact on me. (Did you think I was going to say Ed?) I always wanted to be Farrah or Cheryl Ladd when I played Charlie’s Angels with my friends (come on, admit it, you played that game, too), but because of my dark hair I was usually stuck being Sabrina. Still haven’t gotten over that one.
So, my devoted groupies, I hope this latest post has filled the gaping hole in your life left by my absence the last four days. Please don’t be mad at me. I couldn’t bare it. And if someone could please explain to me why I woke up and felt the need to channel Stephen Colbert, I would be much obliged.