Ma Cher Sheree: You Got the Wrong Girl

twitter

Ever since I posted the link to my blog on my Twitter profile, I have been getting all these invitations for sexual trysts – from, of all people, women. I would like to think that they see my profile shot and are so taken by my radiant beauty and utter sexiness that they cannot control themselves and just have to reach out to me in the hopes that I will respond. But something tells me that’s not it.

But I cannot, for the life of me, understand why these young women – who are not bad looking, by the way – would target someone who is clearly: 1) married, 2) a mother; 3) occupied with two toddlers who don’t give her much time to think about sexual trysts arranged over Twitter with some skanky 20-year old from Sacramento. Or maybe it’s just that they think I’m a Desperate Housewife and that I might be desperate enough to go in for a menage-a-trois with someone named Sheree who tweets: “I want to get fucked HARD. Bring toys. Whatever. I’m kinky as hell and want to fuck you hardere.” (Yes, that is how she spelled the last word. Shocker.)

I know what you are thinking right now. “But Mountain Momma, how could you pass up an opportunity to meet new and interesting – not to mention highly educated – people like Sheree?” Tempting as it is, I think I will I have to pass on Sheree. I will also have to pass on the invitation I got from LolaEscort, “a directory of independent escorts and escort agencies.” Is that like the yellow pages of high-class prostitutes? And why are they emailing me? I’m not even a MAN, man.

I just got one question: if talking dirty to each other while texting is called ‘sexting,’ what is soliciting sex over Twitter called? ‘Sweeting?’ ‘Sex-twitting?’ How ’bout just ‘lame?’

Someone’s got to tell these freaky, over-sexed chicks on Twitter that tweeting moms about sex games is much the same as moms tweeting them about the best place to buy diapers. In other words, thanks but no thanks. I barely have time to wipe my own ass, so I don’t think I’ll be making that trip to Sac to take a look at yours, ma cherie.

Addendum: After I wrote this blog, Siigo informed me that porn sites use Twitter to drive people to their sites by pretending to be young women on Twitter. I am utterly crushed to learn that Sheree is not real.

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5 thoughts on “Ma Cher Sheree: You Got the Wrong Girl

  1. ha! love it 🙂
    nice to see ya the other day. seriously, let’s get coffee. i will email you after the fourth of july madness

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