Who needs an iphone when you got 80s magic?

It took a 10-year old to show me that me and my cell phone were stuck in the Dark Ages. One day when visiting my friend Jen, I cell phonewhipped my very bland Motorola phone out , and her 10-year old nephew practically laughed at me.

“What is that?” he asked, pointing to my no-frills phone in disdain.

I felt a sting, as if someone had told me I still dress like I’m in the 80s when I thought I was all hip and now. I looked at my faithful clunker, which had served me well over the past, ummm, how many years now had it been? Four years? I guess I’m not one of those people who continually upgrade to the latest technology.

“It’s a phone. What’s wrong with it?” I asked him.

“Well, for starters, it’s huge. Secondly, what can it do?”

Now I was starting to feel like I was holding one of those cell phones from the 80s the size of a loaf of bread with an antennae that was more like a flag pole. Suddenly, I was feeling decidedly unhip.

“Well, I admit it’s no iphone. What, do you have an iphone or something?” I asked the kid, fully expecting that I had stumped him.

“Like, yeah, duh,” he said, whipping the gorgeous, slick chrome piece of machinery out of his back pocket.

My beat-up phone practically shrunk away in embarrassment. I looked at it again. He was right. It was kind of sooo 2005. It took shitty pictures, didn’t have Internet connection and without a keyboard texting was painful. But it did make phone calls. Wasn’t that the purpose of a cell phone, after all?

What did I need some fancy, schmancy iphone for anyways? Not like I’m some on-the-go urban professional that constantly needs to check my emails. When I’m home I have my computer, and when I’m out, I’m out. Emails can wait.

But then the ridiculing increased. It seemed my old-fashioned cell phone was starting to attract more attention. It was becoming the butt of jokes, the center of unwanted attention, a source of embarrassment. It was like that BONGO sweatshirt with the wide neck that I kept wearing well into the late 90s until my cousin made fun of it for the tenth time and I finally realized that it was time to let the thing go. Maybe it was time to do the same thing with my out-dated cell phone. I decided to make the call.

As soon as I reached the uber-friendly customer service representative at Sprint, I knew I was in trouble. I told him I was searching for a new phone.

“Do you want a Smart Phone?” he asked.

“A Smart Phone? What’s that?”

I thought I heard a sigh of contempt and annoyance coming from Mr. Customer Service. Clearly, according to 1o-year old boys and Sprint representatives in India, I was way behind the times. I think from now on I’ll wear my scrunchies and neon-newspaper print sweatshirts in private. But with my new Blackberry, no one will ever know that yes, indeed, I am still stuck in the 80s. And dam proud of it.

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6 thoughts on “Who needs an iphone when you got 80s magic?

  1. LOL reminds me of my hubs. I am personally one of those gadgets people. He had his old phone for 4 years before I finally convnced him it was time to “upgrade”. He got another flip phone with no real bells or whistles while I got the enV. That was over a year ago. Since then I have upgraded to a SmartPhone and he just stares at me like I am an alien lol.

  2. My sister was trying to come up with a name for her tech courses she teaches. Someone suggested “After you leave here, you won’t need your ten year old to help you anymore.”

    And hahahahaha on the newspaper print pants. hahahahaha

  3. HI Mountain Momma:
    I found you through All Mediocre and I’m so glad I did. I will live out my mountain life fantasies through your blog. (I am a flatlander who dreams of a mountain life. *sigh*) I’ve blogged recently about smart phones and how obnoxious they are making some people act. I mean, you can’t believe folks would act that way on their own. It has to be the phone doing it, right? 😛

    • Hi Mom Zombie,
      I stopped by your blog and enjoyed it as well. Looks like we have some things in common – writing, bad sleep habits, love of mountains. I do feel fortunate to live in such a beautiful place, but I have to admit sometimes all the recreational possibilities get in the way of work! I am currently in the process of learning my CrackBerry, so I’ll update soon.

  4. i was recently at a party where people were talking about facebook…most expressing how time consuming it was and how they didn’t have time to waste, blah blah blah. there was this one woman (40ish) who was especially against it, talking about how she doesn’t understand the necesity of taking the time to keep connected in that fashion. now this girl of a mere 30 pipes in and quietly says to her husband, “that lady just aged herself.” just because she thought facebook was not her thing?! i am sitting next to her and i think wtf? who are you to be so smug? so i strike up a conversation and ask her why she finds facebook so important to staying on top. she simply believes that we all need to keep up with the trend of internet “face” time. (okay i get that, dabbling in the trend is important, but do i have to spend my every waking moment keeping up? i would rather take my kid to the beach and play with buckets of sand.) so then she joked that all the people complaining simply couldn’t multi-task. her husband then added to the conversation that you can now check your emails on the toilet so basically you are lame if you can’t keep up. i explained that i don’t have a smartphone and i am not willing to take my laptop to the toilet. the smug girl replys, “well iphones are on sale for $99!” i mean really, she was serious. she thought that all my problems would be solved if i just had an iphone. and i am left, still wondering, do i have a problem??!!

    • Lisa – Thanks so much for checking out my blog! You have a lot of insightful things to say, maybe you should start a blog as well! Hope to see you back here.

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