Don’t be embarrassed kitty, you still look cool – kind of

Meet our cat Cozmo. Poor Cozmo. She’s had better days.

Two weeks ago she underwent surgery. First was the dental surgery – she had already lost 70% of her teeth. We’d even find them on the kitchen floor. The vet informed us that the rest of her teeth were rotting and her gums infected. To boot, her stitches from when she was spade seven years ago were coming apart and she had a double hernia. So the vet did a double surgery – cleaning up her mouth and fixing her abdomen. She now has a grand total of three teeth. Meow.

As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough for a proud cat like Cozmo, she now has to wear this highly fashionable lamp shade. We avoided it the best we could. But when the vet came to check on her yesterday and take her stitches out, he said she had been licking her scar and it was becoming infected. This runs the risk of having to re-do the surgery, which we most DEFINITELY do not want to do, since it cost us almost $1,000. I’m thinking of renaming Cozmo the Bionic Kitten. I’ve never even spent that much on my own children’s medical bills.

So yesterday, we had no choice but to put the Elizabethan Collar, as it’s officially called (like if you call it something all fancy it won’t look so frickin’ hillarious), on Cozmo. She hasn’t quite gotten used to it. She runs into walls and scrapes against furniture. She slinks around the house all embarrassed like. She tries to scratch her chin but just hits plastic. She has difficulty eating her food and drinking out of her water bowl (reminds me of that scene in “16 Candles” when the girl with the neck brace tries, with much difficulty and maneuvering, to get a drink of water from the drinking fountain.) Cozmo does a great job of generating pity and I almost want to untie the collar, but then I think of my bank account and I hold back.

On top of all of this humiliation, we have to continue to give her oral antibiotics which is about as easy as sticking a thermometer up a screaming child’s ass. And now, because that damn cat licked herself, we have to put hydrogen peroxide on her scar twice a day. This cat is becoming one high-maintenance pet. Isn’t that the exact opposite of why you get a cat? Cats are supposed to be self-sufficient – you don’t have to bathe them or let them outside or take them for walks. Hell, sometimes they don’t even want you to pet them. It’s all on their own time. As a cat owner, you really only have one responsibility: feeding them.

Shit, if I had wanted this much responsibility I would have had children. Oh wait. I already do.

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3 thoughts on “Don’t be embarrassed kitty, you still look cool – kind of

  1. Try having your dog wear one of those collers and be leaking from the ass which you have to keep wiping like 50 times a day. Oh yeah and it lasted two weeks! Hope all is well with the kids. Maybe you should let Kaya decorate the collar to make Cazmo feel better!

  2. Poor Cozmo. I hope he gets better soon. I agree cats are supposed to be easy. That’s why in December we adopted a second cat, a “barn cat” according to the adoption agency. Two days ago, he ate our hamster. I know this because he confessed, loudly when he found I had picked up the rest of his evidence. That was not an easy day.

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