Want to name my kid? Fork over the dough.

The saga of Kaya’s imaginary family continues (My daughter from another mother). Her siblings now have names. Big sister Violet, big brother Johnny and dog Dukey. Her occasional baby brother does not have a name, and of course her mom and dad are just ‘my other mommy and daddy.’

Then it hit me how she got all these names – they are all from cartoons or Barbie movies.

I feel like a really bad mom. OK, maybe a really pregnant, tired mom who is letting her children watch a bit too much TV so she can rest during the afternoon. So sue me. Better than sending them out to play in the middle of the street, right?

Violet is one of the mermaid’s names in the Barbie movie, “Mermaid Tale,” and Johnny and Dukey are from the cartoon “Johnny Test.” Oh, and Violet apparently works in a lab, just like the twin sisters from “Johnny Test.” Man, I really got to cut down their TV. Next month.

Along those lines, we might have to name this next child Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse. Or maybe we should just make it easy on ourselves and call it ‘Disney.’ Could be for a boy or a girl. Hey, maybe we would even get a corporate sponsorship and all the baby’s expenses would be funded by Disney as long as we dressed the child in a shirt advertising the company’s latest movie?

I think I have a winning idea here: selling the naming rights of your child just like people sell the right to name a stadium after whichever corporation puts up the dough. Our next child could be At&T or Dell or Apple (wait, that one’s taken). And, just as stadiums’ names can change, our child’s name would be up for grabs to the highest bidder his whole life. Well, at least until age 18. So he may be called McDonald’s for the first 5 years, and then Ford for the next five. Sure, that might give him a bit of an identity crisis, but that’s a small price to pay for a lifetime supply of free diapers and paid medical bills.

I think Sony Siig has a nice ring to it. We need a new DVD player anyways.

It’s either that or Pampers Huggies Siig.


One thought on “Want to name my kid? Fork over the dough.

  1. All great ideas. No matter what you name your child, he or she will dislike it at some point. Does anyone like their given name? Maybe we all should offer up our identities for corporate sponsorship.

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