It’s funny the people who will talk to you when you are pregnant. And the stories they will tell you. It’s like having a huge belly is like having a new puppy – it’s an open invitation for complete strangers to come up to you.
The other day at the grocery store check out line, in a manner of five minutes the clerk had told me the entire story about her second child’s birth – how she almost didn’t make it to the hospital, how they had to call the police for an escort, how the baby was born 3 minutes after she took her clothes off in the hospital room. All while I am slowly backing up with the groceries in the cart, with two children pulling on me, trying not to be rude but desperately wanting to get the show on the road so I can go home and lie down. I was worried by the time she finished her story I’d either be in labor or the people waiting behind me in line would kill me out of impatience. Luckily, I got out of there in one piece. I guess there is an unwritten rule about ganging up on pregnant women.
A few days later I was at a different grocery store (see a pattern here? I swear I go other places besides the store.) I’m in the parking lot when this macho mustacheod-Budweiser delivery guy walks up to me. He asks me where the nearest hotel is, then he says like he’s some kind of expert: “I think you’re having a boy.” Wow! When the Budweiser guy has an opinion on what you are carrying, you know you must be huge. It’s like being a walking billboard that flashes: “Please tell me if I have a boy or a girl in my tummy. Strangers’ opinions preferred.”
The best reaction you get from people is when they find out you are due any minute. Today, once again (of course) at the store, the check out lady asked me when I’m due. When I said this week, the women in line behind me backed up about two feet like they were afraid my water would break that very second and spray all over them and they’d have to deliver the baby right there and then on the dirty Savemart floor. One store owner even told me: “You’re making me real nervous by coming in here.” Like I would be shopping for beach toys for my kids if I was in labor. That sounds real fun.
So, for now, with three days to go until my due date, I wait. And I fantasize about not going grocery shopping. But I think there is a Miller Lite delivery guy waiting to tell me what I’m having. I better not let him down.