Who Needs A Bath When You Got Procrastination?

If my blog were a child, I would probably be in jail right now for neglect.

But when you have a baby, and especially when you already have two children, something has to go. And what went was blogging. I continued to work and write after Nakita was born, but my blogging time was taken up by changing diapers, holding said baby, breastfeeding, breastfeeding, AND breastfeeding. Did I mention nursing?

But today, lo and behold, I find myself with something that I haven’t seen much of over the last five months – a little bit of free time. So here I am – blogging away like the old days.

In addition to blogging, something else had to give after Nakita was born. Bath time. For my children. I am perfectly coiffed and showered every day (OK, that is an absolute lie – at least ever other day, and I just threw in “coiffed” because it makes me sound smart), but bathing my children three times a week no longer fit into the schedule. I never consciously made a decision that bath time had to go, it just kind of evolved. One day would pass, and then another, and then another, and I just couldn’t get to bath time. I would still make dinner (yes, my kids are fed. Except for maybe Kaiden, but that’s another story), and I would threaten the older ones with a bath after dinner, but then all of a sudden it would be 8 pm and I would be breastfeeding and it just wasn’t going to happen.

As Siig says, they’ll live. They might smell and have disheveled hair, but what do they care?

It’s the typical third child story, where basically number three comes along and totally gets the shaft. When Kaiden was the only child, I gave him a bath every other day. Then Kaya came along and it dropped down to every third day. Now Nakita is here and I am lucky if I bath them once a week. Hygiene just had to take a back seat at the Siig household.

Here’s the funny thing about bath time – I cajole and threaten and beg and plead and wait 7 days and then, finally, get one of them in the bath, and then, when they are all clean and the water is getting cold, I can’t get them to get out! Can someone tell me why it takes so long to get a kid in the bath and then just as long to get him out?

But I would never fess up to the fact that I barely bathe my children anymore. If someone asks, I’m just going to say that I’m trying to save water.

Bath-time Confessions

duckie2Confession #1: I let my kids pee in the bathtub. And then I let them sit in there. And then I wash them.

Is that wrong?

Before you call Child Protective Services or the Hazmat unit, let me say a few words in my defense. I don’t encourage them to pee in the tub, I don’t even really want them to do it. But sometimes it seems easier to let Kaiden let it flow then yanking him out of the tub all wet and soaped-up. And isn’t urine supposed to be sterile? Aren’t you supposed to pee on somebody if they get stung by a jelly-fish? See, just what I thought – pee is good for you. Maybe it even makes kids cleaner while they bathe, helps get that extra layer of dirt off. I mean, it’s not like I’m bathing my kids in the toilet. Right? Anyone?

Confession #2: I let Kaiden pee in the tub because he enjoys making waterfalls.

Yeah, that’s right. You heard me. He’s learned that when he holds his wiener up under water and pees, it makes a waterfall on the surface. He’s only sprayed me once. And Kaya gets a kick out of it. Then she tries to do it but her equipment just doesn’t work the same way. She produces more of a gurgling brook.

Confession #3: I bathe my kids, like, twice a week. Even in the summer.

I used to wash them every other day, but bath time has since been downgraded. This is because I largely dread bath time. The main reason? Kaya equates washing her hair with torture. She makes me feel like I’m a CIA agent at Guantanamo trying to illicit some information out of a captured member of Al Qaeda. She screams and cries the entire time I rinse her hair, which is several times because her long, thick hair requires shampooing and conditioning.  Here’s something I never thought I would say in a million years: Dick Cheney is right – waterboarding is not torture.

Confession #4: I totally bribed Kaya with a chocolate-chip cookie and a Barbie movie this morning so I could write this post. Bad momma.